BBQ's, swimming, street dancing, rodeos and all things summer!

Scenic pasture up in Taylor.

Meet Newt! He's a cute little pup that belongs to Kendra.

Checking out the cows!

The ball still lives...surprisingly.

Oakley on momma's hip smiling away!

The race is on! She did no want her picture taken!

Loungin'!

Love you girls!!

Just a thought.

Philippians 4:8 Here, my brothers, are some things I want you to think about. Think abouth things that are true, honest, right, clean and pure, things that are lovely, and things that are good to talk about. If they are good, and if they bring praise to God, think about these things.

Pain = Love

I had emailed the priest who married us to update him on our life changes since he married us on June 13, 2009. I wanted to keep in touch because I really liked him and he made it easy to understand the sacrament of marriage. He definitely made an impact on me during his sermons because he could relate everything to real life. I need black and white. But the Bible is not always that way and he had a way of explaining the gray areas to us as we completed our marriage preparation classes. Anyway, he emailed back. I have continued to have a hard time with the loss of the baby. As I've said, I can't just "get over it" and I feel guilty for still talking about it and "dwelling" on it. It's been 3 weeks since the surgery. It's been 3 weeks for my body to heal. It's been 3 weeks for everyone to forget about it. It's been 3 weeks for my mind to tell me to move on. It's been 3 weeks for my heart to break. So, I've shifted between anger, saddness, and questioning why God did this to us? I have been asking/thinking/feeling all the wrong things. I needed some clarification. I needed some peace with what I can't control. So, I emailed him and he responded with the most comforting message. He explained to me what he could and helped put my mind at ease with what I would have to find out when I go to Heaven. Which I have to work very hard to get there but the baby is a VERY fantastic reason to try to get there.

I hope that anyone who reads this or knows of a friend or family member who has experienced this can take something away from what he says. It brought so much comfort to me.

He writes...

I'm so so sorry for your loss. I don't think there is anything more painful than the loss of a child. Nothing I can write can ease that pain because it is a sign of the greatness of your love. Or, to put it slightly differently, the more you love something, the greater the pain will be when it is lost. Recognize, then, that your struggles are simply a sign of the greatness of your love, and, thus, although painful, are not really bad at all.

A couple of thoughts on what God's plan is. Recognize I cannot give answers as there are none. Why God permits tragedy to enter our lives is one of the great mysteries of life. However, there are a couple of things to remember than can get us through.

1) Recognize life is a gift. It sounds cliche but is ever so important. We have a tendency to think life is something we are owed. Thus, when it is taken from us we feel cheated. The better we recognize life is a gift, the more we can rejoice in being blessed with that gift, even if only for a little while. Remember, you have known a joy that no man and not every woman every experiences -- the joy of life growing in your womb!! You were never "entitled" to that joy, but God blessed you with it because He loves you. But, why would He then "take it back"? It has to be for the same reason. He loves you! Why might this be a sign of His love? - see #2 and #3

2) You are now in very good company! Remember Mary knows the pain of the loss of a child. She can help you immensely during the difficult struggles. Turn to her frequently and ask her how in the world she did it. She will provide comfort and consolation.

3) Remember why God blesses parents with children. The only reason is so that those children can be with Him in heaven for eternity! Think about how cool this is!! The primary objective for any parent is to get their children to heaven. Having a good education, roof, food, clothing, etc... is worthless if the child loses their faith. Because of the desire you would have had to baptize your child, we know that that your child is now with God in Heaven. Thus, you have the consolation of knowing that one of your children is rejoicing forever with God!! Very, very, very parents know this. And this is the main goal of parents!!

Notice what miracles your child is working from his place as one of God's saints. You are asking important questions about God. You might be struggling with your relationship with Him at times, but this is really a sign that you are growing in your faith.

Why is this happening? Your child is intereceding for you (and Justin) from his or her place at God's side. What an ally you have in this child. Also, what motivation this can provide! After all, you (and Justin) have to get to heaven to see what the little guy (or girl) looks like. Just another way your child is making you (both) better.

In fact, I would bet that if you prayed about, God would disclose to you the gender of your child and then you can even name him or her. He or she is yours after all! Then you can communicate with him or her by name through prayer!

This does not make this an easy process. It is extraordinarily difficult. Continue to pray for strength to see these, and other realities and not be blinded pay the very real pain of loss. I will pray for you (and Justin) as well. If you have other questions or if I have confused you or if you would like further explanation, I'm always here to help.

May God bless you and Justin and your little saint!

Livin' for the Weekends

I have gotten used to working Mon-Fri during the week. It wasn't as hard a transition as I thought it would be. I love my job! I enjoy the work, my coworkers, and the people I get to help. So kids, follow your heart and find the job that you can see yourself doing for the next 30 years. I know that SLP is the fit for me and I am lucky to have figured it out. I still look forward to the weekends! We've been able to travel lately to see friends and family. It's nice to get out of town but I enjoy being home just as much.
I have been avoiding FB because so many of our friends are now pregnant or will be expecting their baby any day. I am so happy for all of them and can't wait to meet their bundles of joy. But I get a little "jealous" because of our situation. So I avoid all the wonderful news. I am not trying to be mean but I can't bear to see so many experiencing what we did with a better outcome. I have been trying to move on but it's harder than I thought. I constantly think about our baby. We have been waiting for my body to heal and for time to pass. A friend wrote something like time moves at a turtle's pace after losing a baby. She was so right! Time is at a standstill right now. We are going through the motions of "moving on" and at times it seems that we are fine. Then at other times, I still get mad because I don't understand. So, maybe life will pick up its pace once we can try again. Then maybe we'll be able to move on completely once we are pregnant and have a healthy baby.
Justin is out of town this week leaving Blaze and I to fend for ourselves. There is not too much new around the house. We mowed the yard tonight, made dinner, and doing chores around the house. I started working out again last week. We have been eating better and I feel like we are on the right track to getting healthier. I have a plan for working out and hope to be back in shape by early fall. I have made it through one week and need a couple more to make it a habit. Overall, it feels great! Other than that, I will have updates from the holiday weekend. Be safe lighting off your fireworks and enjoy your 3 day weekend!!

Wanted: Nanny

Emersen and Libby bought "Baze" a moose. He immediately was attached to it and shredded it's nose, antlers, and rear hoof. Needless to say, moose lived to see another day because we have him in a safe hiding spot. He comes out when "Baze" has been exceptionally well behaved.

Let the shredding begin!!

Taking a swig of yummy juice and being cute!

Peaceful in the arms of Justin. He'll be the best daddy someday!

We had the chance to babysit for the Todd's this week. It was just a couple of hours so mom and dad could go out for a bit and enjoy themselves. Of course, we can't turn that opportunity down so the girls came over to hang out with "Baze, Dustin, and Meruf". We are always so glad to see them both! It's so fun to see Justin interact with kids. He will be a great father someday. He is the right mix of goofy, fun, and silly rolled in one.

There is not too much going on lately. We are working and enjoying our evenings and weekends together. We were home THREE weekends in a row and it was glorious! I love being home. I think if anything, our second year of marriage had a rough start...but this has been the best weeks of our life together. We are so thankful for everything now and take nothing for granted. I love my time with him. He will be gone for training this week and I am not looking forward to it. But he will be back and we'll be able to celebrate the 4th of July with family!

Photo Updates

RIP Allie Long. Your basketball lives on through Blaze. He has tried his best to master your level of skill and even came up with the "grab and carry" technique. Hope you are proud!
Garden 2011. Better late than never. Crossing our fingers that everything pulls through!

Hot pink peonies in the backyard!Our house. It will be one year in August and thought it was about time everyone got a glimpse at the humble abode. We are comfortable here and have enjoyed making it our own. The thing about homeownership is there is always something to work on!

From a friend...

We received a beautiful card from a friend among flowers, texts, and messages from others who expressed they're sorrow for us. As I've said, we are on the mend but it's things like this that really help us get through even better.

The card read...
"To suffer a loss like yours is to know a loss unlike any other...it means letting go of a beautiful part of your life. Even though you did not have the chance to share your world with your little one, your loss is no less real and your memories are no less precious. Wishing you the comfort and the special strength you need to help you in your sadness."

It brough tears to my eyes because it seemed the best way to say what we had felt over the last two weeks. It was such a short-lived joy that we shared with everyone one week before we lost our baby. But here's to the future and moving on. My body is healing. Our hearts and minds are calming and we're waiting patiently until we can try again. But thanks for the thoughts, prayers, phone calls, and messages! We appreciate each!!