Vacation to MinnesOOOta

We started in Maple Grove for  a relaxing Labor Day weekend on the lake.  First time of water skiing and it only took 1.5 days to figure it out!  What a fun way to be on the water! 

Too close...you need to scoot over!

Lindsey and me!  What a friend...so thankful for you!

Checking out the roadside sites on our way to Two Harbors.

Lake Superior!  Looks like the ocean...water was COLD!

Felt like squatting a rock.

Giving me pointers for when I'm on the water navigating. ;)

Out for a walk in Two Harbors.

Iron ore...it's magnetic.

Great views!

More magnetic iron ore.

Trying to stack some rocks for good luck...

I am man and these are my rocks.

Gooseberry Falls State Park. 

Split Rock Lighthouse State Park

Saved many of souls with this light house!

Fredenburg Lake...getting ready to go kayaking.

Northern woods!

Wonder what's been going on?!

I've been neglecting this blog...so, folks here's the low down on our lives the last three or so months...

July brought a wedding in Lincoln for Justin's cousin, dinner and Montgomery Gentry concert with some new friends, and the Osmond Classic.  The concert was a blast with a great view of the stage.  The wedding in Lincoln was great!  Such a beautiful wedding and time to spend with Justin's parents and family.  Our new friends from Crossfit are awesome!!  The concert was pretty good!  Grand Island is getting some pretty big acts...watch out Quest Center.  We love to work out with this group and getting the chance to hang out outside our "box" was great!  The Osmond Classic is a golf tournament with a lot of day drinking for those participating in the golf portion.  I was able to go hang out later for some evening/night drinking and have a nice time!  We love any time we get to catch up with Matt and Alana!  Great friends who we don't see enough through the year and this was a treat!

August was just as busy with a mud run, wedding shower for another cousin, family pictures in North Platte (which we are still having trouble deciding which we want because we LOVE how they turned out...THANK you Jessie!), our niece's 3rd birthday in Omaha, STATE FAIR,  and the start of our wonderful vacation to Minnesota.  The mud run was not too bad especially with the group support.  I am still amazed at how some could just glide over the hay bales (Heather!) and others had some trouble with the "ups" portion of jumping (Jamie and myself!).  It was a good turn out for the first year.  Isabella turned 3 and was the cutest Rapunzel I've ever seen!  We missed her first birthday because we were moving to Grand Island and I won't miss another.  She's so smart, cute, and well-behaved! 

September started of with that same glorious vacation.  We started in Maple Grove, MN with the VanderWerts on the lake with baby Mari.  We met a few other couples there for the holiday weekend for boating, skiing, lounging, and relaxing.  It was absolutely what the doctor ordered!!  We had such a wonderful time getting to know the other couples and soaking up cuddle time with sweet baby Mari.  THANK you Lindsey and Ben for such a FANTASTIC time.  We can't wait for more trips with you guys!!  Our cousin was married in Broken Bow this month as well!  It was a beautiful wedding with the sunset in the background on a pasture in Berwyn.  We had such a fun time visiting with family, dancing, and celebrating marriage!! 

And lastly over the course of the last few months we have been pursuing different doctors for some help so we can have a successful pregnancy.  We have found a good center in Omaha and are in the midst of meeting with the doctor, having blood draws, discussing treatment options, and enjoying our time together trying not to stress about trying to have a baby!  Our vacation really helped us relax and get away from life!  We are doing well and have faith in the program we are in now.  So, hopefully in the future, we'll have some answers.  Only time will tell...so pray that the doctors we are seeing have the knowledge and insight they need to help us.  To be honest, having a child seems very far out of reach but we are okay now.  We are doing all that we can and that's enough.  So, that's that. 

Springing into Summer!!

It's been a bit since our last update!  I can't believe how fast the weeks fly by when the weather gets nice and we are outside each night doing yard work, walking Blaze, running errands, or whatever needs to be done that day after work.  Spring was over in a flash here in Grand Island...it's been 90 degrees at least more that twice this month.  June 20th will bring the official summer season but it's acting like it already!

We've been busy working...Justin went to some continuing education for the past few weeks leaving Blaze and I here to fend for ourselves.  We were real glad when he came home for the weekends and then for good later in the month.  I have been busy working at the clinic, a SNF, and on a weekend rotation at the hospital.  I really enjoy my job and have learned a LOT in this first year.  For all my SLP friends, we picked a great field, didn't we?!  I've been to a couple of continuing education courses this past year and am looking forward to more!

Justin and I have been with Crossfit Heartland since earlier this year.  We LOVE it.  I had gone to Crossfit Omaha before we moved to Grand Island.  I really missed that type of workout.  Justin had done Crossfit in camp and on his own after graduation.  We were THRILLED when a gym opened here.  It's the best group of people.  We've made some fantastic friends and look forward to going each day.  It's so fun because each day is different and regardless of ability, you can fit right into a WOD.  Everything is tailored to your level of fitness.  Best thing that has happened here in Grand Island since moving here!!

I started playing sand volleyball with a group of girls I work with at GIPT.  Luckily for them, I am still as "good" as I was last year. :)  We already won more than we did in the past, so we're ahead!  Justin has been golfing quite a bit this spring and been able to relax a bit.  Despite his hectic work schedule, he's been able to make a few short trips.  This past weekend he went to see a good friend in Sidney.  He doesn't get to enjoy himself too often but when he does, he makes the most of it!! :)  We've gone to the river on the hot days to cool off.  Blaze LOVES water this year.  He was a little timid and scared the first time...but he's overcome those fears and is now a swimming machine!  It's hilarious to see him paddling along after a dummy.  We had a baby shower for Lindsey in April which was a hit!  Little Mari made her grand appearance early but is at home with her parents.  It was so great to see Lindsey and Ben!!  Thanks Sally for co-hosting!!

BIG news...we got a new car!!  The Yaris is no longer.  Aren't you sad?  I traded in the 40 mile/gallon tin can for a 19 mile/gallon steel box.  I will no longer be blown away on the interstate, slide through the snow, get back spasms, make my foot go numb from long trips, etc.  Our new SUV is fantastic.  We love the room and all the perks of a brand new car!!

Here are some picture updates....

 Getting ready to run through the sprinklers!  YES!!

 Sweet Mari :)

 You are beautiful!!

 Lindsey's baby shower!!

Family Pictures!

Lazy Days

I took a few days off work to have a garage sale with my good friend Libby.  It was a much needed break from work.  I feel rejuvenated!!  We had a great time just people watching, making deals, and selling our stuff!!  Libby kept saying, "am I really going to say no?"  We made deals with everyone because we wanted to sell, sell, sell!!  I said, "we had low to no expectations for this sale and we've gone above and beyond what we thought we'd sell!!"  It was so fun.  Thank you Libby for all the help and we'll be even more prepared for next year's sale.
Justin and I have had so much fun together over the past few days.  We are happy.  He hurt his back at Crossfit on Thursday morning so he ended up staying home on the couch because he couldn't move without shooting pain.  He went to the chiropractor 3 times and will go again next week for more adjustments.  He's moving a little better but still having some nerve pain.  It's the pits throwing your back out! 
We've had some stress alleviated!  After my followup visit on Thursday we have some hope for trying to have children!!  I will have another surgery within the next two months.  We will wait a few months for my body to heal.  THEN we can try to have children again!  It's so exciting knowing that there is hope for our future pregnancies.  I'm also excited to not be pregnant again to let my body heal and get "back to normal."  I have yo-yo ed for the past year with pregnancy/miscarriage.  I am looking forward to feeling good again physically and mentally.  So, all the prayers have worked.  All your kinds words have made us feel better.  Everything will be alright.  We know, believe, and feel that now.  

Life's not fair...

but we don't always get what we want. I think everyone has a general idea of where they want their lives to go say after hitting college graduation, marriage, first jobs, new house, new car, getting a dog, taking vacations, kids, etc. I don't think Justin and I are any different from others who have wanted to reach those milestones. But life doesn't always take us down the path we've expected to travel. Justin and I have a lot to be thankful for...especially each other.  We have always had a rough road. As another friend put it, we are constantly at "battle". Thanks Libby.You hit the nail on the head there. Haha! Justin and I are too much alike in some ways and too different in other ways. We have always been able to have a good argument. We always said our "honeymoon" phase ended before we were even married. We weren't kidding. Regardless of our difficult differences, we love each other. We have the same goals. We value the same things.We enjoy spending time together. We are even getting better at arguing (less finger pointing/blaming and more "I feel..." statements and "I'm sorry"). We are back to the time in 2011 that we were pregnant the first time. It's been this past year that has changed us the most. I am a strong woman. But I have felt sorrow, sadness, despair, and more that has challenged me to go on. I have a hard time trying to explain the depth of loss I have felt even to my husband. I have always been able to feel sadness more than happiness. It's harder for me to feel joy than sorrow. I don't know why that is but I am a good crier. I have always worn my emotions on my sleeve. Through all of this, I have felt alone. Not because my husband, family, and friends haven't tried to reach me. I think it's because I feel this emptiness in my arms and my heart. I think of what our babies would have looked like...how our lives would have changed....and so on. But at the same time, I have a good number of days where I feel good again. Physically, after the hormones have waned, I've lost those few pounds I gained, etc. Mentally, I am on target at work, I have fun out with friends, I have upcoming events to look forward to, and more. Those days tend to outweigh the bad days. Justin and I have conversations about what we'll do next. Justin is good at making me feel better but I have to decide myself that I want to move on too. Even with our recent miscarriage less that a week ago, I feel like I am in a better place than I have been this whole year. We may have some good news at our follow-up visit. We may have a new direction.  We may have some ANSWERS although I am going to remain guarded and realistic. If anything, I can't get too hopeful but it's okay to feel a little. So, friends, we'll see where this next year takes us. Time heals all wounds, right? My whole self needs some healing. I don't know what the future holds for Justin and I but we have to think good things will happen. Keep saying those prayers for us. Each one helps!

Getting down to the bottom of it all...

It's been awhile since my last post and I am sorry to keep you all in suspense to know of our busy, interesting lives:)  Haha!  We have been keeping our nose to the grindstone, getting ready for spring, taking Blaze for walks, working out at our new Crossfit Heartland gym, and enjoying our evenings together.  We, I mean, I still have my ups and downs.  Sometimes getting through the day takes a lot but I don't think that's any different from anyone else with hardships in their lives.  Since the last post, I've had some moments of sadness and despair but MORE moments of loving our life we've created.  I've come to some more realizations... more wits of wisdom from yours truly.  What's happened to change my mind about what's really important in our lives: A death. Life is sometimes cruel and unfair but most of all too short.  A good friend's mother passed away after battling uphill for a number of years.  It was really, really nice to see her again but not under such sad circumstances.  I was so happy to be there for her and I realized I needed to be there for her more than I had in the past few years.  You are a great friend and I love you!  Thank you for letting me be the friend I once was!  Friends.  As I've said in the past posts, I have made some great friends in Grand Island.  I am so lucky to be able to play bunko, volleyball, and have a good support group.  I have to shout out to my red-headed lady who I am so glad I met in college.  Our weekly coffee visits are some of the best times I've had with you doing nothing but drinking a steamer or hot chocolate and hashing out our weekly drama.  My fellow YMCA lady has been so very nice to work with and get to know.  You are very thoughtful, sensitive, and can make me laugh DAILY!  My coworker at the BMAC has been fantastic to work with, learn from, and help me navigate life.  She really is sincere and so very helpful!!  Visits to Omaha.  I really like getting back to Omaha to visit.  I've been able to see my parents, brother, sister-in-law, niece, and sister over the past few months.  I love seeing them as I was used to do that on a weekly basis when we lived in Fremont.  My niece is growing into the most adorable, silly, sweet girl.  She definitely entertains.  What did we do or talk about before you?!  Education.  I am taking my Celiac disease more seriously than ever because I feel it's impacting our ability to have children.  I have been reading articles online, talking with my neighbor who is a great source of information, and will be making an appointment for the GI doctor to ensure there aren't any other hidden GI issues.  I want to do everything we can to avoid another miscarriage.  After the first and second miscarriage, I absorbed as much as I could from online articles, books, talking with our OBGYN, etc.  However, I think my concerns with the celiac disease was downplayed when it may have more of an impact on me than I thought.  I don't have the same symptoms I had two years ago but I know gluten is not eliminated 100% from my diet.  My husband.  Justin can get me out of those "downs" I talked about earlier because they are pretty rough.  Whatever I am experiencing...whether it be depression or not...my emotions can be triggered by the dumbest things.  Baby items, pictures, pregnant bellies, etc.  At times, I feel so engulfed by loss.  I feel guilty because I am still grieving almost a year from when we were pregnant the first time.  I feel guilty because I should be "over it" by now.  I feel guilty because I don't pray to our babies everyday.  I feel guilty because pregnancy is all around me leaving me to think "why not me?"  I feel guilty for being jealous that others are living their dreams without the pain of having it taken away in an instance.  I feel guilty because I over analyze everything I put in my body and think I could do better.  Basically, I feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself and for being negative.  But, I am not "over it".  I can cry in an instance.  I don't know what's going to make it better.  I am going through the motions every day.  Sometimes slapping a smile on my face works and I can have a good day.  Justin is very supportive and I am so, so glad he's in this with me.  I love you!  My YMCA friend gave me a pamphlet about miscarriage which was so helpful.  Part of it was about forgiving yourself and allowing yourself the time to grieve that you need.  I need to feel sad because our babies were beautiful.  I need to feel happy because I need the hope that we will be blessed with a baby.  Needless to say, I want some answers.  I am going to do anything I can to find them. 
Lots of rambling tonight but there's no other way to say "this sucks".  I can be as positive as  I want...but in the end this sucks!!  There that made me feel better.  :)