BBQ's, swimming, street dancing, rodeos and all things summer!

Scenic pasture up in Taylor.

Meet Newt! He's a cute little pup that belongs to Kendra.

Checking out the cows!

The ball still lives...surprisingly.

Oakley on momma's hip smiling away!

The race is on! She did no want her picture taken!

Loungin'!

Love you girls!!

Just a thought.

Philippians 4:8 Here, my brothers, are some things I want you to think about. Think abouth things that are true, honest, right, clean and pure, things that are lovely, and things that are good to talk about. If they are good, and if they bring praise to God, think about these things.

Pain = Love

I had emailed the priest who married us to update him on our life changes since he married us on June 13, 2009. I wanted to keep in touch because I really liked him and he made it easy to understand the sacrament of marriage. He definitely made an impact on me during his sermons because he could relate everything to real life. I need black and white. But the Bible is not always that way and he had a way of explaining the gray areas to us as we completed our marriage preparation classes. Anyway, he emailed back. I have continued to have a hard time with the loss of the baby. As I've said, I can't just "get over it" and I feel guilty for still talking about it and "dwelling" on it. It's been 3 weeks since the surgery. It's been 3 weeks for my body to heal. It's been 3 weeks for everyone to forget about it. It's been 3 weeks for my mind to tell me to move on. It's been 3 weeks for my heart to break. So, I've shifted between anger, saddness, and questioning why God did this to us? I have been asking/thinking/feeling all the wrong things. I needed some clarification. I needed some peace with what I can't control. So, I emailed him and he responded with the most comforting message. He explained to me what he could and helped put my mind at ease with what I would have to find out when I go to Heaven. Which I have to work very hard to get there but the baby is a VERY fantastic reason to try to get there.

I hope that anyone who reads this or knows of a friend or family member who has experienced this can take something away from what he says. It brought so much comfort to me.

He writes...

I'm so so sorry for your loss. I don't think there is anything more painful than the loss of a child. Nothing I can write can ease that pain because it is a sign of the greatness of your love. Or, to put it slightly differently, the more you love something, the greater the pain will be when it is lost. Recognize, then, that your struggles are simply a sign of the greatness of your love, and, thus, although painful, are not really bad at all.

A couple of thoughts on what God's plan is. Recognize I cannot give answers as there are none. Why God permits tragedy to enter our lives is one of the great mysteries of life. However, there are a couple of things to remember than can get us through.

1) Recognize life is a gift. It sounds cliche but is ever so important. We have a tendency to think life is something we are owed. Thus, when it is taken from us we feel cheated. The better we recognize life is a gift, the more we can rejoice in being blessed with that gift, even if only for a little while. Remember, you have known a joy that no man and not every woman every experiences -- the joy of life growing in your womb!! You were never "entitled" to that joy, but God blessed you with it because He loves you. But, why would He then "take it back"? It has to be for the same reason. He loves you! Why might this be a sign of His love? - see #2 and #3

2) You are now in very good company! Remember Mary knows the pain of the loss of a child. She can help you immensely during the difficult struggles. Turn to her frequently and ask her how in the world she did it. She will provide comfort and consolation.

3) Remember why God blesses parents with children. The only reason is so that those children can be with Him in heaven for eternity! Think about how cool this is!! The primary objective for any parent is to get their children to heaven. Having a good education, roof, food, clothing, etc... is worthless if the child loses their faith. Because of the desire you would have had to baptize your child, we know that that your child is now with God in Heaven. Thus, you have the consolation of knowing that one of your children is rejoicing forever with God!! Very, very, very parents know this. And this is the main goal of parents!!

Notice what miracles your child is working from his place as one of God's saints. You are asking important questions about God. You might be struggling with your relationship with Him at times, but this is really a sign that you are growing in your faith.

Why is this happening? Your child is intereceding for you (and Justin) from his or her place at God's side. What an ally you have in this child. Also, what motivation this can provide! After all, you (and Justin) have to get to heaven to see what the little guy (or girl) looks like. Just another way your child is making you (both) better.

In fact, I would bet that if you prayed about, God would disclose to you the gender of your child and then you can even name him or her. He or she is yours after all! Then you can communicate with him or her by name through prayer!

This does not make this an easy process. It is extraordinarily difficult. Continue to pray for strength to see these, and other realities and not be blinded pay the very real pain of loss. I will pray for you (and Justin) as well. If you have other questions or if I have confused you or if you would like further explanation, I'm always here to help.

May God bless you and Justin and your little saint!