Family Pictures!

Lazy Days

I took a few days off work to have a garage sale with my good friend Libby.  It was a much needed break from work.  I feel rejuvenated!!  We had a great time just people watching, making deals, and selling our stuff!!  Libby kept saying, "am I really going to say no?"  We made deals with everyone because we wanted to sell, sell, sell!!  I said, "we had low to no expectations for this sale and we've gone above and beyond what we thought we'd sell!!"  It was so fun.  Thank you Libby for all the help and we'll be even more prepared for next year's sale.
Justin and I have had so much fun together over the past few days.  We are happy.  He hurt his back at Crossfit on Thursday morning so he ended up staying home on the couch because he couldn't move without shooting pain.  He went to the chiropractor 3 times and will go again next week for more adjustments.  He's moving a little better but still having some nerve pain.  It's the pits throwing your back out! 
We've had some stress alleviated!  After my followup visit on Thursday we have some hope for trying to have children!!  I will have another surgery within the next two months.  We will wait a few months for my body to heal.  THEN we can try to have children again!  It's so exciting knowing that there is hope for our future pregnancies.  I'm also excited to not be pregnant again to let my body heal and get "back to normal."  I have yo-yo ed for the past year with pregnancy/miscarriage.  I am looking forward to feeling good again physically and mentally.  So, all the prayers have worked.  All your kinds words have made us feel better.  Everything will be alright.  We know, believe, and feel that now.  

Life's not fair...

but we don't always get what we want. I think everyone has a general idea of where they want their lives to go say after hitting college graduation, marriage, first jobs, new house, new car, getting a dog, taking vacations, kids, etc. I don't think Justin and I are any different from others who have wanted to reach those milestones. But life doesn't always take us down the path we've expected to travel. Justin and I have a lot to be thankful for...especially each other.  We have always had a rough road. As another friend put it, we are constantly at "battle". Thanks Libby.You hit the nail on the head there. Haha! Justin and I are too much alike in some ways and too different in other ways. We have always been able to have a good argument. We always said our "honeymoon" phase ended before we were even married. We weren't kidding. Regardless of our difficult differences, we love each other. We have the same goals. We value the same things.We enjoy spending time together. We are even getting better at arguing (less finger pointing/blaming and more "I feel..." statements and "I'm sorry"). We are back to the time in 2011 that we were pregnant the first time. It's been this past year that has changed us the most. I am a strong woman. But I have felt sorrow, sadness, despair, and more that has challenged me to go on. I have a hard time trying to explain the depth of loss I have felt even to my husband. I have always been able to feel sadness more than happiness. It's harder for me to feel joy than sorrow. I don't know why that is but I am a good crier. I have always worn my emotions on my sleeve. Through all of this, I have felt alone. Not because my husband, family, and friends haven't tried to reach me. I think it's because I feel this emptiness in my arms and my heart. I think of what our babies would have looked like...how our lives would have changed....and so on. But at the same time, I have a good number of days where I feel good again. Physically, after the hormones have waned, I've lost those few pounds I gained, etc. Mentally, I am on target at work, I have fun out with friends, I have upcoming events to look forward to, and more. Those days tend to outweigh the bad days. Justin and I have conversations about what we'll do next. Justin is good at making me feel better but I have to decide myself that I want to move on too. Even with our recent miscarriage less that a week ago, I feel like I am in a better place than I have been this whole year. We may have some good news at our follow-up visit. We may have a new direction.  We may have some ANSWERS although I am going to remain guarded and realistic. If anything, I can't get too hopeful but it's okay to feel a little. So, friends, we'll see where this next year takes us. Time heals all wounds, right? My whole self needs some healing. I don't know what the future holds for Justin and I but we have to think good things will happen. Keep saying those prayers for us. Each one helps!