October was a busy month! Justin was away for a week for training, had some great Crossfit Heartland girls over to the house for a night of fun, traveled to Omaha to see my family and celebrate my mom's birthday, celebrated Emersen's birthday and ended the month with a dentist visit. Woo! Nothing too out of the norm for October but still went fast just the same.
November, now that's where it got real exciting ;) Libby and I had a wild night of dinner, drinks, and dancing in Lincoln. It was by far the best night of fun I have ever had with Mrs. Libby Todd. YOU ARE SO FUN and I love you! She is the best friend I could ever ask for and best thing is that she's never too far, has all the right words of advice, is patient and never gets too tired of me! Last one being most important of all! What else happened in November...a friend at work got married, I voted, caught up with my great friend, Ida, who stopped by as she traveled through GI (best surprise ever - it was so great to see you), celebrated both of my sister-in-law's birthdays, went hunting with the Davis clan, and got some fantastic news from our doctor in Omaha.
I found this on a infertility website the other day...
God "knows the plans he has for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to giver you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29: 11-13
I haven't been to church in months and to be quite honest with you, I don't want to or plan to go in the near future. I hate to be so blunt but my faith has disappeared with the past year. I read this the other day and wanted to believe and have faith that God does have a plan. But I can't let myself believe that everything will be okay and that someday I will hold our child in my arms. Hope seems such a futile thing. Not that I am hopeless. I just don't let myself be hopeful to the point that if disappointment hits, the fall is not so long and hard. This has been the longest "waiting" game of my life. I have developed a level of patience I never knew I could. I have truly accepted the things I can not control and given my struggle up to somebody. Whether that somebody is God, I don't know. Someday I hope my faith returns. But for now, it is what it is.
I would have to say the two things that pulled me out of depression were 1. Justin and 2. Crossfit. Seems obvious with the first...Justin is the love of my life. Simple as that...love of my life. Crossfit - more than the exercise but also sincerely great friends I have made, having something to look forward to each day, and something to focus on other than miscarriage, doctor's visits, questions without answers. I can put my energy into something that I can control. And if, my body can not carry a child, then I'm going to do everything I can to make my body as healthy and strong as possible.
Oh and FYI...the Duchess is pregnant!! :)
Lincoln!!
Dancing queen!
Blaze, my lunch buddy :)
